Before I write this review I have to clear the air. I don't like The Sims. It's a very disappointing first person shooter, and even as a mass murder and torture simulator it leaves much to be desired. My wife is addicted to The Sims. She's been playing that damned game ever since it came out. She also enjoys Simcity... I hate them both, I always have. The only reason I ever played Simcity was to build a peaceful lovely town and then eradicate it with hordes of so called "natural" disasters. I played The Sims with one plan in mind. To build a serial killer and depopulate the neighborhood, one Sim at a time. Either than, or set them all on fire and watch the little bastards burn. I also don't like golf. In the majority of golf games I've ever played I have been unable to locate either a sniper rifle or a flame thrower of any sort. I'm not sure whether this means that the Sims games just suck, or I'm just a homicidal maniac waiting to snap. From the sales figures for any game with "Sim" in the title I'm leaning towards the later, as I sit here thinking and polishing my rifle.

Anyhows! All of that being said, my interest was tweaked when I saw that Gabe from Penny-Arcade was playing Simgolf. Several others I knew have played it, and oddly enough seem to actually enjoy it. Sensible people, good old fashioned shooter players. So I decided to give it a go and... well.. Oddly enough (Oh, two "oddly enoughs" in two sentences. Marauder is on an "oddly enough" roll!) I'm enjoying this stupid little game. There's just something intriguing about building a golf course and seeing your little Sim people walk around, chasing little white balls.

Premise

The story behind the game is pretty simple. Your rich old uncle Harry finally kicked off, and left you with a wad of cash, a list of potential properties around the world, and a death bed wish... That you build the uber golf course and in due time, take over the world of gold and establish yourself as the head of a globe spanning golf empire. Simple enough, just click on a property you can afford, and with a little luck and a lot of skill you'll be lording it over a bunch of people in funny pants soon enough.

Gameplay

If you've played any of the Sim games, you shouldn't have any problems with this one. Even if you haven't, it's really, REALLY self explanatory. You've got an overhead view of the property you've purchased to build your course on. Select what you want to build from the menu and click where you'd like it to go. If you're building a hole, just place the tee, then place the green where you'd like it... Arrange all the stuff in the middle, your hazards and such and hit H to open the hole. Golfers will arrive to play, and assuming you did an OK job, they'll be happy, invite their friends and buy memberships at your club. Build more (and varied) holes, get awards from golfing associations, (Which boosts your green fees, woot!) hold (and play in) tournaments at your course. Build more buildings, and various upgrades. Hire employees to tend to your course and customers needs. Rake in cash. Become a rich bitch, then move on to other bigger properties around the world.

Graphics

I've said this about other Sim games and I'll say it about Golf. The graphics really aren't all that impressive. There's no hardware acceleration (*shivers*) and there's a complete lack of detail when the camera does a close up shot. (In this case it's usually if someone pulls an impressive shot off successfully.) Then again, if you had several dozen little people walking around your screen, trees swaying, water rippling etc all rendered then.. Well, you'd need quite a machine to run it smoothly. The graphics do get the point across I suppose.. I've been spoiled by my Quake and UT engine powered games though. I want eye candy damn it! Ahh well, can't have everything I suppose.