July 15, 2005
FRAGtopia Headquarters press release
For immediate release

In a disturbing development, it appears that Forces of Hell Inc (FOHI on NASDAQ) have forged a partnership with popular graphics chip maker NVIDIA Corporation (NVDA on NASDAQ) of Santa Clara, California with the release of their latest Nforce 4 chipset driver, release 6.66. As your on the site reporters, FRAGtopia.com immediately sought an interview with the involved parties. NVIDIA refused to offically speak with us but sources inside the company agreed to speak with us on condition of anonymity. Our sources informed us that a deal had indeed been made with Satan, CEO of FOHI and that both parties seemed quite pleased with it. It's unknown what NVIDIA will be getting out of the deal, at least initially, but it's suspected that the new employee contracts will involve signing their souls over to the company, and by association, Satan himself.

We went right to the big red guy to see if we could get him to comment on the situation, and he seemed quite pleased to be asked.

"Of course you do realize that the blood isn't dry on the contracts yet, and our teams of lawyers are still working out the fine print and final details, but I can answer a few questions on our partnership with NVIDIA. First off, the new drivers don't contain any more evil than any other driver released before. The new 6.66 name is just to sort of get our foot in the door, announce we're here."

We then asked him to comment on what FOHI and NVIDIA would each get out of the deal, and how the companies got talking about their new partnership.

"Well, Jen-Hsun Huang and I have been friends a long time. We sometimes get together knock a few back, play some pool, that sort of thing. I've been loaning him lawyers from time to time as well, we've got so damned many of them around this place it's hard to take a step without tripping over one. Anyhows, I was mentioning to him that we'd been in talks with Apple lately, it seems that with the new Macintosh computers going over to the Intel platform they'll need slightly less evil inside, since the extra evil is already built into every Intel CPU."

"Jen mentioned to me he'd like to crush ATI, preferably dropping their headquarters and factories into the molten lava of the seventeenth level of Hell. Ironically, we've been renovating down there and have some room right now, so I thought to myself "What the heck, lets see what we can work out!" and here we are today. I'm hoping that both of us get something out of this deal. We'll send imps to bedevil and drive mad ATI's top technicians, and hopefully get a few souls out of the deal. We're also working on a deal to put doomed souls into Intel's company as slave labor, but that's for the future. Right now China is chewing up all the slave labor we can find for making cheap electronics and clothing for Wal-Mart. NVIDIA could also be looking at sudden speed increase in all of their chips, we're hoping to make some profit selling the goat's blood that will be required to cool them to operating levels. "

When we asked about the new employee contracts for NVIDIA, he dismissed them as common in the high tech business world.

"Look, when you go into a company you have to sign certain things. You know, non-disclosure agreements, payroll, giving your soul to the devil, police checks... Those sorts of things. All standard paper work. It's the same agreements we've had in place with Intel since we took them over in a hostile buyout years ago, and they're all okay with it. Especially those guys in RnD and marketing over there. You'd think they didn't have any souls to lose in the first place. I think I've told you all I can about this whole thing, for any further news please talk to our press department."

As a result of this unholy alliance, ATI is rumored to be in negotitions with The Vatican to lease holy water and cardinals for each of their offices and factories, as well as exorcists just in case.

There you have it folks, the numbering scheme isn't just a co-incidence! Keep a close eye on NVIDIA, and watch out for the free imps that are going to be packaged with every video card chipset soon!